Keanu Reeves is one of the kindest and most genuine people in Hollywood. On the other hand, Whoopi Goldberg was recently voted “the most hated person” in Tinseltown, a title that no one seems to be able to refute. Reeves was chosen to present this year’s Lifetime Achievement Award by the Television Production Committee, a role he was honored to take on… until he was told he would have to share the stage and present the award to Whoopi Goldberg.
“She’s not a good person,” Reeves said in a tone that almost sounded like he was addressing Rufus outside the Circle K, “I don’t want to be remembered as the guy who made that mistake.” Justin Timberlake, Winona Ryder and Gloria Estefan also declined.
They’re still waiting for news of Jackie and Kelso, who desperately need something different to happen in their lives, but no one seems to be able to find them. “We believe these two are probably in a canyon somewhere after losing their social media following due to the worst apology video ever made,” said Capt. Joe Barron of the 136th Marine Paralegal Unit. “We’re going to start here in L.A. and go canyon to canyon until we find them.”
Others believe they may also be in a shallower place, like a ditch or even a puddle, but all agree they are probably dead embarrassed, following their careers. Topher Grace was unavailable for comment, once again keeping his dignity intact. Reeves said there is no changing his mind, no matter how stupid the story gets. God bless America.
